I felt again the remorseless swash of the water over neat boots and immaculate hose I saw the perverse intricacies of its meanderings over the carpet, upon which the “ foolish ” pitcher had been confidingly deposited I knew, beyond the necessity of ocular demonstration, that, as sure as there were “pipe - hole ” or crack in the ceiling of the study below, those inanimate things would inevitably put their evil heads together, and bring to grief the long-suffering Dominie, with whom, during my day, spell inundations had been of at least bi-weekly occurrence, instigated by crinoline. I paused in the midst of toilet-exigencies, and listened sympathetically, for I recognized the probable presence of the old enemy to whom the bravest and sweetest succumb.Ĭonfirmation and explanation followed speedily in the half apologetic, wholly wrathful declaration, - “ The pitcher was made foolish in the first place.” I dare affirm, that, if the spirit of Lindley Murray himself were at that moment hovering over that scene of trial, he dropped a tear, or, better still, an adverbial ly upon the false grammar, and blotted it out forever. My zeal on this subject received new impetus recently from an exclamation which pierced the thin partitions of the country-parsonage, once my home, where I chanced to be a guest.įrom the adjoining dressing-room issued a prolonged “ Y - ah ! not the howl of a spoiled child, nor the protest of a captive gorilla, but the whole-souled utterance of a mighty son of Anak, whose amiability is invulnerable to weapons of human aggravation. (In this connection I am reminded of - can I ever cease to remember ? - the unlucky lecturer at our lyceum a few winters ago, who, on rising to address his audience, applauding him all the while most vehemently, pulled out his handkerchief, for oratorical purposes only, and inadvertently flung from his pocket three “Baldwins” that a friend had given to him on his way to the hall, straight into the front row of giggling girls.)

We have clerical authority for affirming that all its miseries were let loose upon the human race by “ them greenins ” tempting our mother to curious pomological speculations and from that time till now-Longfellow, thou reasonest well!-“ things are not what they seem,” but are diabolically otherwise, - masked - batteries, nets, gins, and snares of evil. The whole subject lies in a nutshell, or rather an apple-skin. However divinity-schools may refuse to “ skip ” in unison, and may butt and batter each other about the doctrine and origin of human depravity, all will join devoutly in the credo, I believe in the total depravity of inanimate things. I AM confident, that, at the annunciation of my theme, Andover, Princeton, and Cambridge will skip like rams, and the little hills of East Windsor, Meadville, and Fairfax, like lambs.

Depravity pronunciation